thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
