oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She even gives head with a lisp.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
