Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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