Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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