Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
