you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
