I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
