no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
