I can't watch pbs sober anymore
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
