how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
