I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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