my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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