You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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