Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
