Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
