I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My dick has a subreddit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
