So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
