I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
