I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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