i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
