I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm both gender and math confused
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
