I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
