do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
