No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
