every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
