i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
