I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
