I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
