My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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