I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
