Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
