We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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