Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dignity is for republicans.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
