Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
