Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
