I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
