When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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