I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
