remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
