I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
