Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
