I wish my penis had an off switch
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
