we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
