hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
