I must be too annoying 4 u.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
