The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
