I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
