she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
