This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
