just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
