We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
