AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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